The Crystal Tear
by Kal Kally
Summary: In order to become alive, Sai received a magical gem. He wanted to find happiness with Hikaru but the gem turned him into evil and ended up hurt them both. Dark. Yaoi. Sai/Hikaru
1. Default Chapter

The Crystal Tear

Kal Kally

Disclaimer: Hikaru no Go does not belong to me.

Warning: This is a dark Sai/Hikaru fic. Death. A little violence. Non-graphic rape. Yaoi. An evil Sai plus a suffering Hikaru. Oh well, you have been warned so don't flame me.

Chapter 1/3: Sai's madness (Sai's POV)

I remembered very clearly. It was a rainy day. For the first time in two years, I stood in a dark, dusty chamber without Hikaru beside. On my two sides were various demons, watching me with curious eyes. In front of me was Shi, the most powerful demon of Japan, I think. 

"What are you willing to sacrifice in order to be alive?" He asked from his thrown.

"I'm ready to sacrifice anything." I answered, determined. After a few seconds, I added. "Anything except him." 

"Then..." Shi left his thrown to come to me and whispered into my ear words that were poisoning my mind until now. I felt something heavy in my right hand. Somehow, Shi had managed to slip into my ghostly hand a gem, the Crystal Tear.

However, it wasn't exactly my fault. Those words had left me shaken, and being a coward, I didn't dare to put it into implementation. I did bury it deep in the broken shards of my memories. 

It was you who brought those words into life. It was all your fault.

Do you remember? Days when you came out of the shower wearing nothing but a towel. Nights when you occasionally tossed your blanket away, baring your beauty to my eyes? Desire burning but always had to face with cruel reality. Look and worship but cannot touch.

You pulled Shi's words into the surface. And my desire, my guilty hope fed on them greedily. 

They grew to the point I could barely control myself.

Then in this dark alley, Touya kissed you. You should have pulled away. you should have felt disgusted. But no, of all the things you could have done, you had to return his affection.

The dark side of me took control. Something inside crawling and hatred setting free. When you parted with him, I stayed. You were too happy to even notice that. Touya stayed in the alley for a while. Either he was too happy too, or he just didn't want the world to know his little secret. 

I felt something appear in my hand. The Crystal Tear. It was the gem given to me in Shi's chamber. I looked at it hesitated. But when I looked up, there was a dreamy smile painting on Touya's face. Was it hope that I saw there? How dare he to have what was supposed to be mine?

The crystal turned brightly hot. Its heat burned away the last of my sane thoughts and breath into me an alien strength. "Just follow your instinct and release me." I heard someone whisper.

That when I struck. From the crystal, a blinding white light was released in the form of an arrow. It disappeared into Touya's body through his back and came out from his chest. Too bad it missed his heart. Anyway, the impact sent him flying to the opposite wall.

Touya painfully turned to me, leaning heavily to the wall. His shirt wasn't torn but the blood that stained there started to spread. A thin line of blood trickled down from the corner of his mouth.

"Who are you?" He whispered, eyes wide. It surprised me that he hadn't scream in pain yet.

I chuckled. Facing with death and that question was all he could think of. Poor him, in my mind, there was nothing except thoughts of murder. "I am Sai."

Touya's eyes widen more if that was possible. They looked terribly huge and glassy. "Why?" The word was breathed out as tears started to fall down.

"Because you dare to touch my Hikaru." 

"No! I didn't..." 

"Shut up bitch!" I growled and shot a series of lightning. Most of them missed, only two met the target, buried deep in his right arm and groin, then faded. I watched in fascinated horror as blood painted the wall behind him in red. A strange elation mixed with panic grew in me.

Touya had fallen down, his face twisted in pain. He bit his lips so hard that they were wet with red fluid. I didn't understand why he refused to scream, to cry for help. Then he looked up. I expected only fear. But the pain of broken trust I saw there pinned me right where I stood. For a moment, I thought of stopping. 

That stupid Touya, if he had just shut the hell up, he would have been still alive. Unfortunately for him, he didn't. "Why? This is not the Sai I knew. Please stop. If not for me, then for Hikaru."

White-hot anger again consumed me. Touya's tone was full of sympathy but not fear. I felt as if he was mocking me. And he dared to call Hikaru by his first name. That could not be forgiven.

I raised the gem to my face and whispered to it, made sure that Touya could hear me all the time. "I can't understand why Hikaru like a rat like him. Maybe because of his beautiful face. What do you think my beloved treasure?"

The gem glowed in return, this time in crimson light. Vaguely I heard someone chuckling. 

A bolt of light made it way to Touya's abused form, piercing to his cheek's tender skin. The deep wound it caused did not stop there. The skin around the wound turned blistered and bloated, then it spread. At various places on his face, the skin started to fell of, revealing flesh behind. Flesh that rotting way hundreds time more quickly than a decayed corpse.

Touya held his face in his hands, his mouth gaping. I guess he wanted to scream now, but his deformed mouth wasn't capable of making any sound. Funny.

A series of low, horrible sounds filled the alley. I quickly realized it was my own laughs. I felt so happy. Happy to the point of insanity. I didn't stop, excited by Touya's agony. I hold the gem out. It continued to release both white and red light bolts. It didn't stop until the light bolts weakened and faded out.

I breathed heavily, shaken by the violence I had just committed. The prominent young Go player of Japan was now only a bloody mess, which did not even resemble a human form at all. I doubted there was still any life in him.

And now, when everything was over. I slid down and wept. I used to like this boy so much. I used to admire him for his persistence in Go so much. 

And...

...now...

...he was dead...

...killed by me in a moment of blinding wrath.

The look on his face when he first heard my name returned to me with full force. It was the expression of a boy that put all his belief in a childhood hero, only to have the one he idolized betray him in the worst way possible.

Strangle, there was no regret. Even though my heart swelled with guilt. Even though Touya's blood must have somehow slipped into my mouth somewhere during the minutes of violence, it made me felt horribly nauseous with it sweetness.

The gem was still burning in my hand. Why was it still burning? Wasn't everything over now? I shakily raised my hand and examined it closely. A gasp escaped from me. My body, started from the hand holding the Crystal Tear, was materializing. Within myself, I felt life energy. Touya's energy. 

I stood up slowly. The happiness of finally living pushed away the last trace of guilt. And then, my Hikaru, I left the alley to go back to you.

Oh yes, I never once regretted.

People kept giving me curious glance. I guess it had something to do with my ancient clothing. Luckily, I murdered Touya when I was still a ghost so his blood had not yet stained them.

Problems occurred when I reached your house. Stop being a ghost meant no more being able to pass through the walls to come in. I pressed the bell. Your mother peered out. 

"I want to go to Hikaru's room." I explained. Your mother eyed from head to toes, then slammed the door shut without a word. What am I going to do? I asked my self.

Then I heard a whispered. It cost me several seconds to realize the source of it was the Crystal Tear. "Fool. Hypnotize her. Control her." I didn't feel surprised, remembering the earlier chuckle. Instead, I transferred it my thoughts. How am I going to do it?

"Direct your power to your eyes. Willing her to follow your order. This is an easy spell. Remember the more powerful you are, the more effective the spell would do."

Powerful? I asked it but it refused to answer. I shrugged and gave it a try. As I pressed the bell again, your mother pulled the door open. "What? It's you again?" She yelled.

I used all my will and stared hard into her eyes. My eyes suddenly burned, seeing thousands of flying stars in only several seconds but when I could see normal again, your mother's face had gone blank. I knew I had won.

"Let me in." I ordered. She bowed and held the door widely open.

You were reading a mediocre comic book, sitting on the floor, back lean to the wall,  when I entered your room. Not bothering to look up, you just asked. "Where have you been?" It seemed you did notice my absence, but unfortunately, too late.

I got near to you and kneeled down, which got your attention at once. You looked up and an expression of wonder appeared on your face. "Sai, you are..."

Whatever you wanted to say was cut off as I grabbed your chin and lifted your faced up to try a kiss. I meant to be gentle, but you failed to respond. In my mind, a memory of a dark alley flashing by, it awakened my anger. It urged me to deepening the kiss, to savoring your lips as harshly as I wanted. I did. After all what I had done, there was no point in returning now.

You groaned into my mouth, your little hands came to my chest and tried to push me away. No. Fucking. Way. You accepted him but resisted me? I growled and broke up, grabbing both of your wrists, I lifted them over your head, slammed them hard to the wall behind you and held them there. 

A startled gasp escaped your mouth, full of disbelief. I grinned and resumed what I was doing, now the harsh kiss turned into brutal. That feeling of crazy happiness returned.

I licked and bit your tender lips, ignoring your cries and my own logical mind's cries. Even if I wanted, I would not be able to stop now, not when your blood on my tongue tasted like heaven, addictive and made me feel dizzy.

They said greed existed in every creature. I guessed it was right. I didn't mean to hurt you. I only wanted to have a taste of your lips and then let everything returned to normal, but soon, a kiss became not enough. My free hand started unbuttoning your shirt while I placed quick kisses on your neck. I. Wanted. More.

"Sai, stop." You still fighting me, bugging your body pathetically. Little did you know your effort only excited me. "Please..."

I did stop, releasing your wrists. Neither because I wanted to nor because of your plea. But my body was fading. Damn. I had used up all Touya's borrowed life energy. 

I stood up. You slowly looked up at me with fear, broken trust and something else I couldn't make out. Those emotions really irritated me. "Quit looking at me with your pathetic eyes." I snapped.

You turned your eyes away in shame.

The next day came quickly with you ignoring me all the time. I had been thinking. What I did may be a crime, but I could not stop, and didn't even want to try it. Not when I had finally tasted you after months of one-side desire.

The sight of your body under mine the previous night, lips bruised, confused and helpless, was like an addiction slowly poisoning my mind. I craved to see it again, to hold you in my arms and mark you completely mine. Did it make me a demon then? I did not know and I did not care. I just knew that I must have you at all cost without being interrupted again.

That was why tonight I left you to go out on my own. Hunting to please my blood thirst. I chose a dark park to start my game. It wasn't fun any more if there were a big scene, was it?

I didn't have to wait for too long. Here came my prey. A shorthair young woman dressed in leather with too much make-up. A common whore. It wouldn't hurt anyone to sacrifice this slut.

"Don't shot too many times." I heard the Crystal Tear said again. It seemed its words could only reach my ears. The woman continued to walk without any notice. "The energy you use is taken from the sacrificed. Use more and receive less. It's your choice."

Holding up the crystal, I fired a lightning. The dark place lightened for a second, enough for me to see the woman's body falling down. I walked to her, her eyes opened wide but her face betrayed none of her feeling. Poor lady, she didn't have time to realize what happened, or must I say lucky? I felt a new power swirling in the crystal. Why can't I materialize? I asked it.

"The ritual has not yet been completed. I need blood to connect you and me." 

What does that mean? I must hurt myself? I asked it but it answered by silence. Then I remembered the sick, yet sweet taste of Touya blood and the alien life force that followed and understood. Kneeled down, I thought for a moment then placed my ghost lips on the bloody hole on her chest. Amazingly, blood wet them and the power in the crystal transferred into my body. I materialized.

Smiling, I continued to lap the blood. Ahh, delicious.

The energy I received this time was much more than last time with Touya, I guessed last time I had wasted too much in my attack. However, I didn't return to you immediately. I had to make sure I would not fade away in the middle of our fun. To ensure my existence, I needed more life force.

It was midnight that I reached your home. My clothes were soaked with blood but any drop from them disappeared once touch the ground. 

I chuckled. There were only two people that saw me. A policeman and an old woman. They would never been seen again. All thanks to my precious magical crystal, it had taught me how to turn their corpse into dust, which scattered away with the night wind. It felt so good to be in control after all those centuries.

Your mother opened the door for me without any question of my bloody state. My spell on her seemed to be still in effect. 

I entered your room. The light was off. Moonlight spilled in the open window, divided the room into two worlds of bright silver and completely darkness. You sat up, moonlight splashed into pool of silver on your bed. God, you look so ethereally, so angel-like. 

Straining your eyes into the darkness that hiding me, you asked. "Sai, is that you? Why did you come home so late again?"

Your eyes were so beautiful, so innocent. Mockingly innocent, because after that day in that alley, I knew you were not. But, as my eyes travel to your lips, then to the pale flesh of your chest that the loose nightshirt revealed, a familiar feeling swirled in my groin. Innocent or not, it didn't matter. Because you were beautiful. Because I need you.

"Sai, why don't you say anything?" Your soft voice tore the suffocating silence again. 

A low series of chuckles escaped my mouth. You looked startled, then scared. Your expression was so funny. It made me laugh out loud. Making my way to your bed, I came out of the darkness to stand before you in my full glory of crimson crime.

"Blood..." You trailed off, subconsciously backed away from me.

Yes, blood. So beautiful. Blood was life. I knew you would soon learn how delicious, how addictive blood was. Right now, we must pay attention to the love of us. 

"Let's began the game, my precious Hikaru." 

End Sai POV and so does chapter 1.


	2. Chapter 2

Crystal Tear

Disclaimer & Warning: See the first chapter.

Chapter 2: Hikaru's suffering.

Painted in blood, bathed in darkness and moonlight, Sai was simply breath-taking. He looked like a devilish angel. I didn't realize I had crawled back until my back hit the wall.

"Let's begin the game, my precious Hikaru." Suddenly there wasn't enough air for me to breathe as fear ripped through me like waves. Sai, why did you turn out this wa--"

I didn't have time to finish my thought as Sai got on the bed with me. Of all the time we stayed together, he had never been so aggressive. He lifted my chin up and kissed me with the same hunger he performed the other night. Only this time the taste of blood on his lips was so much that it made me gagged. The smelt of it on his clothes was so strong that it overwhelmed me. It felt like I'm drifting in a sea of blood. I couldn't help letting out a moan.

Sai didn't mind, though. He continued to lick and bit my lips. When I refused to open my mouth, he grasped my jaw and forced it to open. As his tongue thrust into my mouth, his other hand started to unbutton my sleeping shirt.

No, it was not what I wanted. "Stop." I cried and fought him but Sai didn't listen to me. 

He took a hold of my shirt and pulled me up. "I've been waiting for this for too long to stop now." He growled at my face, before released me and I collapsed on the bed.

Sai took off his clothes and got to me, making my fear multifold. "No." I used all my strength to push him away, wanting to get off the bed and run to the door.

Sai was on me only some seconds after. Furiously, he slapped me hard, made me cry out holding my cheek painfully. Even though I couldn't see it, I know a massive bruise must have formed there. Sai took both of my wrists in his left hand and hold it up while sitting on my legs, making me unable to move. "Please, Sai..." I begged, "Why are you doing this?" 

He only smiled. 

I suddenly saw a smiling Sai that I was familiar with, the Sai I thought would never betray me, then that image shattered to reveal reality. Add to the fear, that image formed in my chest an aching pain. 

Sai leaned down and whispered with a smirk. "Why don't you see? I do this because I want you. You should be happy."

The pain burned brighter. Each of his words cut deep into my soul like glass shards. Sai nuzzled to my neck, licking the skin there, ignoring my struggle. His free hand came down to tear off my clothes and threw them onto the floor. The next moment, the door suddenly opened and we both turned to it.

My mother was standing there, face pale. She had to grip tightly to the doorframe for support. "You get out of my house." She growled at Sai, although she was shaking with obvious fear.

I sighed in sadness and relief. Sadness because she had to see all of this. Relief because now she was here, I would be saved. I never thought her face suddenly went blank.

"Leave." Sai ordered, and then smirked in a very uncharacteristic way. "Oh wait, tear some trips from his clothes and bring it here."

I could only watch in horror as my mother did exactly what Sai said. In my head, there was only one word swirling. 'Why?'

Sai got off me while still holding my wrists. "Tie his wrists and ankles to the bed." Sai instructed. I was too shocked to fight as I was tied up.

When she was done, she bowed to Sai and turned to walk away. The harsh reality pulled me out of my trance. Buck and writhe as much as my bind allowed, I cried out for her. "Mom, don't leave me here. Help me please."

She hesitated at the door a little, her body faintly shaking but then she quickly got out as Sai growled. "Get out!" The door slammed shut, something else was also shut down in my heart.

"Why, Sai? What did you do to her?" I turned my attention to him and asked accusingly.

Sai wiped away the tears on my cheeks. He shrugged and said mockingly. "Just a spell. So you don't like the help of your mother?"

"Iie. She must have saved me..." 

With a sharp laugh, Sai's fingernails dug deep into the skin on my right arm. "Save? Save you from what?" The malice in his voice made me shudder.

His game resumed, now turned into more urgent and violent. I didn't know how much time had passed, to me, it felt like century.

Something big and wet stopped at my entrance. And then, I could no longer think. Every thought lost in pain. Screams filled the room, screams that hurt my ears. Whose screams? Mine? But I couldn't think. Couldn't think. Thankfully, darkness opened its inviting arms and let me feel into it.

***

The next morning I woke up, the first thing I felt was physical pain. Sai wrapped his arms around me tightly. I tried to break free but he just embraced me tighter. Finally, I gave up and sobbed.

Sai released me and sat up, seeming to be annoyed. "God, how I hate your whines." He spat out, got off the bed and went into the bathroom, leaving me alone with my misery.

I pulled myself up and hugging my knees, every movement created pain. Bruises and scratches were all over my body. Blood smeared on my thighs and soaked the blanket below. Tears continued to fall. The dazzling smile of a Sai I used to know kept returning to me. It felt like my heart has been broken into pieces.

After a while, Sai came back, clad in a jean and a white shirt. I didn't bother to ask where he got them. "Clean yourself," Sai ordered.

"Why?" I turned away. "Why don't just kill me?"

Sai stormed to the bed and slapped me. "Why don't you realize I did that because I love you? Why must I kill you? But..." His eyes turned into threateningly. "I want you to maintain your social appearance and do everything you do everyday. If you make anyone suspicious or try to kill yourself, you know what'll happen to your parents." With that, he pushed me back onto the tangled blanket.

Sai turned away and walked out of my room. At the door, he waved his hand. "Bye. Have a good day, my precious Hikaru."

***

I found my mother in the kitchen. She was holding a knife with both of her hands. Her whole body trembled though her face was expressionless.

"Mom," I cried. I ran to her and pull the knife away. "Mom, don't do that."

 "Son, breakfast for you is ready." My mother smiled in a very automatically way, but she continued to tremble.

I quickly stood on tiptoe and embraced her. "Mom, I don't blame you. I understand."

"Hurry, son. Or else you will be late for school." Her voice was expressionless, too, but from her eyes, two huge tears falling down. Her body shook greater as if she was fighting whatever spell Sai put on her.

"I know that's not what you want to do." I ignored the words I know were not what she wanted to say and continued. "It's not your fault. You must live for me... for Dad... for us."

Quickly, I broke the contact, grabbed my school bag and ran away. I was so afraid I too would break down crying if I stayed in that room any minute longer.

A day passed like in a dream. Everyone kept asking why I was so quiet. Everyone wanted to know where the bruise on my cheek came from. I didn't dare to tell them the truth. I didn't want to stay here, but I didn't want to go home either. It was like everywhere I went, I was still an outlander. It was like there was no place for me to go. 

The bell still rang. I remained in the classroom for a long time. Every one had came home. I wondered if everything was just a nightmare. And if I came home now, I would see Sai so gentle in his ancient clothing again. And he would smile and whine, 'Hikaru, Let's play a game!' The thought lightened my mood. I forced myself to stand up and go home. I couldn't hide here forever.

I was surprise that some one was waiting for me at the gate of my school. It was Waya. His hand clutched a newspaper while his face was sad and stricken.

"Shindou, I'm so sorry." Waya walked to me and put a hand on my shoulder in a comforting manner. "I understand that you must be sad, but you--"

"What must I be sad about?" I cut him off, puzzled.

"Touya, of course." 

"Why must I be sad about Touya?" 

Now Waya looked even more stricken. "I can't believe you said that. I meant it's true that's he's your rival but--" he shoved the newspaper to my chest." I thought you must be the one feeling most among us Go player, hearing how he died in such a terrible way."

I took the newspaper shakily, feeling something snapped in my chest. I had a vague thought of what I would see there. 'Young Go player found dead in a dark alley.'

The paper fell down. Did the sun stop shining? Why everything suddenly so dark? I heard Waya called my name, but so far away. The day they thought he was... killed was... That day, in that alley... and Sai come home so late... and the taste of blood in his mouth... I didn't remember what I did after that but when my vision cleared again, I was in my room, breathing heavily.

"Why do you come home late?" Sai growled. He was standing by the window staring out, not bothering to turn to me. "Where did you go?"

"Don't talk like I was the one to blame. Why did you kill Touya?" I screamed and lunged at him. Sai caught my punch easily.

He didn't seem to be surprised, in stead, he looked angered. He took both of my wrists and lifted them with one hand. I cried out hoarsely as I hung from his hand, my feet didn't even touch the floor. " How dare you to speak to me in that way because of that bastard?" His face darkened, his voice bitter and full of anger. "Yes I kill him. I kill him because of you. So what?"

Sai threw me to the wall. I gasped as my head hit the surface hard. I couldn't speak, just groaned in pain. My vision started to blur." Ungrateful brat." He spat out." I do everything for you. I wait you here. But you never once say a thank you to me, do you?"

His words were so ironic. It made me laughed uncontrollably. Each laughter sent aching pain to my throat and head, but I couldn't stop. Sai looked about to explode. He slap brutally again and again while screaming something. His voice was so piercing that it hurts my ears.

'Don't you see, Sai?' I tried to speak but the laughter and hard slaps transformed my voice into some horrible noise. 'It's so funny'.

"I can't stand you anymore." Sai grit his teeth, finally boring with hitting me. He stormed out of the room, leaving me alone. Outside, night was coming. The light wasn't on. So in here everything was covered in a dim light of dawn. I heard Sai's footstep downstairs, then the main door slamming shut.

The laughter quickly quieted. Tears started to fall.

* * *

Days had passed. I continued to exist. Everyday I waked up to endless loneliness. Sai didn't put me in a cage or imprison me, but his possessiveness was more terrible than any prison. I didn't dare to speak with anyone, no matter if it was a friend or a stranger. In the first day of this nightmare, I did, then found out several days after, all of them were dead.

What good friends I had. They were worried for me. They tried to attract me into conversation. But after a time, they simply gave up, leaving me behind to continue their lives. Silence surrounded me, as much as loneliness. Sometime, I wondered if I was slowly becoming just a voiceless toy of him.

At home, my parents were not allowed to talk with me. They couldn't even if they wanted to. Trapped inside Sai's spell. They lived like two clowns following nothing except their owner's orders.

Go didn't bring me any joy, either. How could it when Sai had found away to switch between his real and ghost body? I wasn't allowed to play on my own anymore, becoming only his tool to show the world his true talent. 

And then every night return to his embrace, facing with reality and pain. Sometimes, when his mood was high, he didn't inflict only pain but also shame me with pleasure. It hurt. It hurt so much because sometime, the gentle Sai with that beautiful and haunting smile returned to my dream. It hurt, because in the end, he would always morph into a violent demon. 

My sanity was slowly fading and I couldn't do anything to stop it.

Today as usual, I drag myself back home after a long meaningless school day.

I step into the house and immediately was greeted by the suffocating smell of blood, which had become normal recently. Sai twice a week went out in his materialized form, and returned at night with blood stained his clothes, and one or two humans as well, 'for reservation' he said. He also managed to build an underground cell to keep his victims and create some kind of barrier to keep the smell of blood and noise of weeping and screaming from coming out of the house. It was like that barrier had separated everything into two different worlds, the world outside, the world of strangers and the world inside this house, my world.

Even though, I couldn't bring my self to care. In the beginning, the horrible smell and the screams of his victims scared me as much as Sai's touch. But after a while, it didn't matter anymore. Days after days, I would just returned to my room, blocking anything from my mind and waiting for the night to come, knowing he would always come back.

I passed the living room; something stopped me from continuing my way. The faint gasp of breath and wrenched sobs of someone so familiar. Hesitatingly, I walked closer to the half-open door. Sai's sudden laugh, however, pushed me back. Driven by fear, I was about to walk away when someone spoke up, not loudly but very clearly. "Please tell him I love him."

Mom. The realization came with tears. How many nights did I stay awake wishing I could hear this voice once again? I had almost forgotten how sweet it sounded...

A choking sound of someone dying. "Mom!" I screamed, ran into that room, and froze. Sai's hands were wrapping around my mother's neck and squeezing hard. On the ground, my father lay perfectly still, a knife's end came out from his chest. Blood soaked his shirt and even the floor under him.

"No." I screamed and ran to Sai. "No, please. You promised me you would not harm them."

Before I could reach him, there was a snap. "Opps." Sai said and released my mother. She fell down, her eyes wide and wet with tears, her head lying at an odd angle to her body. 

"Why... you promised..." I collapsed to my knees, wrapped my arms around myself and wept. The agony of loss blocked away anything else, no matter if it was anger or hatred. 

"Ah, I did promise. But they dared to break my spells on them and attack me. Guess they loved you more than I thought. For that alone, they had to die." Sai shrugged nonchalantly. Then he hauled me up by my collar and kissed me hard. His hand went into my shirt.

"No please!" I cried. Sai just ignored me, he made me bend over the table. "Please. Not here. Not now." I thrashed, my tears started to create a small pool on the surface of the table.

"You don't like to play?" Sai whispered, nipping the tip of my earlobe, his hand went lower.

"No." I squeezed my eyes shut and shook my head in vain. "They... they're watching me, don't you see?"

"And?"

"Sai please, I'll do whatever you want, just not now, pleas--"

Sai didn't let my finished my words. He clasped his hand over my mouth, effectively stopping all noise from coming out while his other hand tear my clothes away. The next moment, he slammed into me hard. I could do nothing except weeping silently as he took me with such violence he had never shown before. So I cried until tears no longer fall.

After he was done, Sai wordlessly left. I slid down from the table to the floor, trying to breathe normally.

The last bit of sanity slipped away.

All what I knew was that I must get out of that room. I must escape those eyes of my parents staring at me accusing me, begging me, haunting me. A scream came out of the underground cell. Sai must have gone there. That scream mixed with voices of beloved ones returning from the past stayed even if I covered my ears tightly with both hands.

Returned to my room with much difficult, I came to the large mirror Sai had brought here. He said he wanted to see his appearance in it as an evidence for his existence. In it, a broken and bruised Hikaru Shindou was staring at me. So pathetic. Maybe Sai was right after all. I was really pathetic. Naked, bruised, hair tousled, bite marks all over my body. What a slut I'd become.

Couldn't stand it anymore, I smashed the mirror furiously, satisfied as it and the mocking image shattered into pieces of blood-smeared glass, which fall down and covered the floor like a beautiful carpet. I collapsed on them a minute latter, feeling strength leaving my body. Glass cutting into my bare legs and hands, but somehow, the pain was transferring into pleasure.

My eyes were dried and I found myself couldn't cry anymore. In stead as I raised my hands and looked at my torn palms, something inside broke free and came out into low chuckles, then they became hysteric laughter. The first time in my life, I understood Sai a little. Blood was really beautiful. So delicate and pure like blooming flowers, yet so disgusting...

My trembling fingers grasped a large shard of glass next to me. The shard added new cuts to my palm but the pain it brought was nothing compared to the pain in my heart. I lifted it shakily then lowered it to my wrist. The glass carved into my skins, hot liquid oozed out like stream, carried away the last trace of my will to live.

As dizziness washed over me, scenes of the past flashed through my mind. My mother placing a kiss on my forehead. My father bringing to school in the first day of my school life. My family being together. I closed my eyes and let myself sink into memories. My body fell down onto the piece of glass. Those sharp shards scraping the skin on my cheeks, more of crimson fluid soaked the floor below.

And then in that alley... I remembered a determined boy, just about my age. He had smiled and told me in a voice full of belief. 'I'll show you the way to love.' 

Sorry Touya... Maybe I was wrong to let you kissed me that time. I figured out sympathy was different from love too late but... I tried to laugh but I no longer have the strength. ... but poor you, from the beginning, you never had a chance...

...because I already knew what love was. As the world darkened around me, an image appeared before my eyes. Sai was standing there, not the one who had robbed away everything from me, not the one whom I hate, but the one who had first lead me to the world of Go, the one whose smiles warmed my heart more than anything else.

Darkness was pulling me into it. I gave up all resistance.

'Let play Go.' Sai bent down, pulled me up and warped his hand around me. His voice was so happy and innocent. Right, he had always been so innocent, too captive in his Go. 

'Long to see you. You're still smiling.' I whispered and touch his cheek. 'I miss you so much.' He took my hand and kissed my palm softly. 'This is not reality. This is just a dream, right?'

He tightened his hold around me and buried his face in my hair. 'Does it matter? Just stay here forever and never come back. We'll play Go until we get bored of it, and then we will find something else to play, something that we both enjoyed.'

'Yeah...' I smiled and pressed myself to him as we floated in darkness. Yes, this was my Sai. He was always right. 

'... stay here forever and never come back...'

End Chapter 2.


End file.
